John 15:12-17
This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another” (NKJV)
The Story of Jesus and His Disciples is a story of friendship.
In the above text, there are 4 qualities or principles of true friendship. In other words, what constitutes a truly loving friendship between individuals.
Number one: A true friendship has DISREGARD for personal sacrifice (vs 13).
When you REALLY love a person as a friend, you will disregard personal sacrifices. It’s not a problem for them to call at any hour of the day or night. It’s not a problem to impose on you for whatever. When you REALLY love a person as a friend, you will willingly give up your life for that person and they for you. When you have a close friend, there is no such thing as sacrifice, friends give and keep on giving without thought of return or cost.
Notes:
EVERYBODY cannot and will not be your friend
You can love people and NOT be their friend
Number two: A true friend is DEDICATED to mutual aims (vs 14).
With a close, friend you aren’t wrestling with fundamental differences. A true friendship has at its core what’s called a mutuality of aims. In other words, we agree on the essentials of life, we agree on the fundamentals (i.e., the important non-negotiables of life). True friends are one in heart, one in purpose, one in philosophy. The Apostle Paul wrote this about Timothy, “19 But I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you shortly, so that I also may be encouraged when I learn of your condition. 20 For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare” (Phil 2:19-20, NASB). The word “Kindred” in the Greek means, “Like-souled”. Timothy was Paul’s soul mate, he was linked to Paul in heart and mind. The Old Testament book of Amos reads, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction”? (3:3, NLT). In order for a true friendship to exist and function properly, the two parties MUST have the same pace and the same direction.
Number three: A true friend allows the DISCUSSION of privileged information (vs 15).
There are certain people you don’t share key things with. The deep, personal things you should only share with a true friend. I’m personally troubled when I see people share personal information on Social media. I question the motive of people who share personal information on Social media. The best and only place you should sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings is in the context of true friendship. Only in true/genuine friendships should there be no superficiality or secrets. Real friendships should be characterized by soul-sharing confidentiality.
Number four: A true friend DESIRES to implement fulfillment in the life of his/her friend (vs 16).
True friends desire others (i.e., their friends) to succeed. True friends rejoice when their friend succeeds. If there exists Jealousy, there exists no friendship. If there exists selfishness, there exists no friendship. True friendship is win/win. A true friendship is designed for each party to help each other reach their maximum fulfillment.
It was Thomas Aquinas who said, “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship”.
[i] This document contains my notes taken from a sermon by Chuck Swindoll entitled, “Qualities of a friend”. The main points come from Chuck’s notes, but I added some of my own thoughts for clarity and continuity.
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